my dream about an anole

it was me on a different planet and there were a type of alien invaders fighting our troups up in space. i was on the ground. think i was a peace keeper of something
then there was like a vulture nest untop of the base i was in charge of, and the ground kept shakin and the nest was in danger
so i climbed up there to move the nest and the mother was away and the egg fell to the ground and barely opened so i felt horrible
so i did what i could to move the nest to a better place up top the base and gave the mother the opened egg. the little guy actually survived and thrived
then after that there was like a commons area that was underneath the place were i had moved the nest and there was a little anole trapped. so I rescued her as well. and some how she fell in love with me or fell in love with my charity to the small when there were bigger more important worries to tend to.
so apparently when an anole falls in love with a person they give up 1 year of their life to send their life energy which is turned to luck for us
after that my buddy in the base introduced me to a nice lady that fell in love with me at first site. then my buddy tried to close the door on me and her so we could be alone.
but i turned my back on her and went after him to tell him that it wasnt proper to rush things like that
and the anole saw my selfish act and fell in love with me again
and gave up another year of her life for me
so feeling responsible for the small anole i decided to leave it all behind and take care of her up in the mountains
soon after she shape shifted into a princess


:/ very spiritual dream but so so weird

Warning Might Make you cry

My name's Sarah and this is my story.
I have lived in a small town in Oregon all my life. Born here, raised here and will probably die in this blasted town, but it's my home, so I don't mind.

My life, well is dim; probably from all of the events that have happened in the course of these eighteen years. Not all events were bad, but most, well, most are terrifying and I hope no one has to endure some of the things that I have.

I will not give up at life, even with these events. I will not take the easy way out and end it here.
I want to live; to prevent these things from happening to people in the future.

***

Both of my parents were alcoholics basically all of my life. I didn't have really a childhood.
It flashed from infancy to adulthood in a blink of an eye. Scary, really, how that works, isn't it?
Sixth grade, was probably, the worst year of my entire life.
That's when everything jumped.

My body and mind didn't bloom like others, Sure I got all the same things girls did in middle school. It jumped. Jumped into a world of sorrow and pain; a world that I could only see my future dim, not brighten.

But, as all things go, everything happens for a reason and I cannot erase my past, although I want to so dearly.

Tears and shakiness.

Well, after I graduated, I moved to Maryland with my boyfriend. It was indeed, a drastic move but I had to get away from my mother's drunken stance in my life. I just wish I could have done the same with my brother.

I will admit, I love him, my now exboyfriend. However, it was a fool's love, one that ended in misery and grief. Things went well the first couple months though he did have an anger problem, I taught myself to put up with it. I was so in love with him, I had no idea that he was controlling my life and taking me away from my family.About three and a half months after I moved to Maryland, things got a little rocky; both on the home front and in Maryland.

My mother's pathetic drinking problem had escalated into something...bad is the only way I can put it. She was now drinking two or more gallons of whiskey a day and her smoking had escalated greatly.

I was talking to my little brother on the xbox, and mom was drinking.
She wasn't tipsy. She wasn't drunk. She'd gone psycho. All of a sudden, his mic went silent; he turned his off so I couldn't hear what he was saying.So I called to him a couple times. There wasn't an answer, I started to panic, knowing mom was drinking.Then the mic clicked on and he screamed into the mic,
"SARAH, CALL THE POLICE!"
The mic went silent.
I panicked. I had no idea what to do.

My ex was sitting next to me on the couch; he heard the whole thing. He didn't care about what happened.Or fear of what maybe happening. He didn't care about me or my life, in anyway. So, I did indeed called 911 because I had no idea what else to do. I was in Maryland and my brother in Oregon so, not much as you could imagine.

But I called and they patched me to the police in that small town in Oregon and the city police patched me to the Tribe. The police were there about two minutes after my call had reached tribal.

Turns out, that my mother had gone into a drunken rage and punched my little brother and pushed him over a chair, almost breaking his shin. He called her selfish. But that's what she is.

I have honestly, no idea why people run from who they are or candy-coat the truth. Because, deep down, they always know that they are the nasty, rude, selfish people they are hiding and they know, no matter what, that they will always be that person. She was trying to take everything from us and leave us on the streets with nothing. I don't know what that is to you, but to me, that is a big, nasty bowl of selfish.

And to do that to your kids?

The day after that, I was talking to my ex and he told me that he had pretending for the past three months or so and that he didn't break up with me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. If he would have told me, I would have been there in Oregon, and I could have stopped mother's druken, psychotic rage. I could have been there. But no, I was wasting my time in Maryland, helpless. I didn't do much for about a week after that. Including eating and drinking anything. I didn't eat or drink. Because I was so depressed. I just laid in my bed and watched the ceiling. Finally, the ex's mom noticed and made me eat. I was so hungry that I couldn't stand. I hadn't eaten in so long, my stomach couldn't produce enough acid to break down the food that I ate so I threw it up. I was at the toilet, throwing up a lot. And I could constantly drink water and still be dehydrated.

I know now, what true depression is. And all of you people out there, pretending you are depressed, cutting your wrists, are not.

Because in my experience, you don't want to do anything. You just want to fade.
That's what depression is.

armored movie

airport pics

I visit this airport frequently. We have alot of history together.

1. years ago I flew to florida to go to disneyland from a contest I won. 4 tickets for a week there. won them from crabtree mall.
2. took a picnic at the observation park with my mother and best friend lawrence powell.
3. imported my ex fiance cherish from london town <3
4. returned cherish to london town cause her visa expired. saddest day of my life! ); we broke up a few months after she went back but thats another story for another time.
5. felt horrible about being apart from her and wanted to be closer to her. not being able to get my shit together and get my ass over there with her. I took a part time job at the airport, working as a bus driver, few days after receiving the job they changed me from driver to a parker. Job didn't last long as they had massive lay-offs about 1 month after they hired me.
6. now I live right up the street from the airport and go there for my lunch,relaxing and racing around on my scooter. I like to watch the planes land and take off. maybe someday I will be on one of them leaving this state or country. been a dream of mine for a long time.
   

josh and me

A fitting song to end his stay in raleigh, nc.


the day before his bday, when scheduled to return to new jersey from staying here in nc in a storage room he gets in a car accident. Right before the corner of glenwood ave. and lynn rd.
even after the accident he still smiles. happy knowing that he is returning eventually to new jersey. we got rear-ended by a F-150 going to my apartment from his little 1 room storage unit at u-haul. He has been staying there for 5 months since we lost our old apartment due to my inability to know who not to trust. (tabbi)

all we can do is shake our heads in disbelief at this last year and a half while he was down here with me. most every experience both of us have head is about beyond belief. its been one rediculous thing after another.

nice encounter while doing laundry

well I been unemployed for about 6 months now and been very patient so far during this whole ordeal. Traveled to Durham for a few appointments and found a nice laundromat along the way. Luckily I had my dirty laundry with me, so I stopped in and although Durham is in the news everyday for crime(murders and burglary) I met the nicest man there. I believe he was from India or somewhere near there. He actually suggested I save on my laundry bill by paying to use the new washers and he would include the drying for free. So I got all set up and started the wash.

To my surprise they had working arcade games. Of course I spent the quarter in the neogeo arcade machine and played a great game called king of the monsters. I used to play this as a kid, so it brought back alot of found memories. I played as Beetle Mania and made it through a few levels easily. Although Astro Guy kicked my butt. :P

after playing my game I talked with the man some and he told me about a great place to work at, he gave me his information and said he would be a great reference for me. him having worked there some years ago. So I took all the information on the company and finished my laundry. Irregardless if I get the job or not I think I will take the extra trip to do my laundry in his place. One good turn deserves another!

Happy thanksgiving everyone

I want every one to have a great t-day.
And to those celebrating by them selves. I Would remind you that your not the only one.
Please don't let your wants and desires stand between you being thankful to God for the blessings he has given you.

new download available. the Kalevala

the Kalevala- its an interesting read to say the least about this ancient manuscript.
just added a religious text the predates most cultures and languages.
you can find it on the right hand side in the links column.
also added the Bible in many formats along with a Bible Program and winzip to extract
added the youth center hotline
posted add on craigslist asking for story donations

an old friend of mine :>

This man is a wonderful friend of mine. I haven't seen him in a few years but I owe him quite a lot. He helped me in my travels. He is a builder and in this video he shows off the coffin he has built for himself.

dutch clothes great store

felt like doing abit of promotion for this nice little store I know about.
let me start over.
i do sl abit and this little village (virtual holland. 73,186,22) has sort of adopted me. they say they gunna turn me dutch one day. :> being the american I am this is very nice thing for them to do. So I gunna return the favor to them and try to bring them more traffic. Mebo runs a nice clothing store for dutch professional clothing. she offers some freebee olde timey dutch clothes and they look kind of silly but I had fun wearing them. times are tough for everyone but if they continue to be tough im afraid she gunna close her shop. I would hate to see that. So please just browse her shop and give her a chance. she offers mens and womens fashions

spend some time

Had a great time on sl tonight, my great friend "L" invited me to burning man, very odd thing was my buddy and I talked about me attending it last year. since i cant go there in rl. this was a great experience for me. Was exactly like I imagined it would be. great desert scenery and great ,weird artwork. I have know "L" for a few years from sl. for some reason we always been very close. she is a great girl. no mater how long we spend away from sl we always find each other again.
we have had alot of exploring and adventures together in sl. Im glad to be important in her sl life :P

taken from "L"-"Rev Pogo is a great guy! He always been so nice, always! He once won a place and had a beautiful store and gave me a furry outfit, it was so pretty! ^.^
And again made me happy, because he took me to Disneyland! It was so much fun :D we got some 3d glasses and took a ride on Captain EO's Space Adventure!
He always been so nice and he makes me happy ^.^"

didn't expect this to turn out to be a sl blog but I suppose I can post anything I like

added jtv player

added a tv player playing great scifi shows like stargate. i hope they start playing movies soon.


Watch live video from TV in H.264 on Justin.tv

V trailer + Daybreakers trailer

this show looks interesting, although they are ripping off an old outer limits episode :shakefist







saw both of these trailers last night when I was watching a special screening of stepfather.






they also got the idea from my webpage to use this placebo song in the trailer



:shakefist

truth and other unneccessary choices

Looking back on my life I noticed that things would have been easier on me if I had never stood up for the truth or spoken at all for that matter. Regardless if someone starts a conversation with you or not it is their intention regardless of your stance on the subject, to best you. To win the argument. To convince you that they are more knowledgeable then you. It would be best if people with closed minds kept their mouths shut. But what about those with an open mind and decent ideas, or opinions? Would it be better for them to choose to remain silent and let the fools run their vile mouths till their jaw falls out? Perhaps it would be so they don't turn out bitter.


“When I tell the truth, it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those that do.”
-william blake

moscow sky ufo thing

it looks to be some sort of strange weather pattern taken from the movies right before an alien attack

added babelfish translator

Well I finally found a translator for this blog, gunna try babelfish for awhile, seems to work decently for translating. Hope I can help or touch a few more people this way. Seems to look nice then to post the translation underneath my English post.

15 things God won't ask

God won’t ask what kind of car you drove, but will ask how many people you drove who didn’t have transportation.

God won’t ask the square footage of your house, but will ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

God won’t ask about the fancy clothes you had in your closet, but will ask how many of those clothes helped the needy.

God won’t ask about your social status, but will ask what kind of class you displayed.

God won’t ask how many material possessions you had, but will ask if they dictated your life.

God won’t ask what your highest salary was, but will ask if you compromised your character to obtain that salary.

God won’t ask how much overtime you worked, but will ask if you worked overtime for your family and loved ones.

God won’t ask how many promotions you received, but will ask how you promoted others.

God won’t ask what your job title was, but will ask if you reformed your job to the best of your ability.

God won’t ask what you did to help yourself, but will ask what you did to help others.

God won’t ask how many friends you had, but will ask how many people to whom you were a true friend.

God won’t ask what you did to protect your rights, but will ask what you did to protect the rights of others.

God won’t ask in what neighborhood you lived, but will ask how you treated your neighbors.

God won’t ask about the color of your skin, but will ask about the content of your character.

God won’t ask how many times your deeds matched your words, but will ask how many times they didn’t.

Dear beloved,

1st let me say I love you. Everything about you.
The way you toast my peanut butter & jelly sandwiches is divine. You melt them and cheese just right.

I doubt there is anything you can't cook just right. I just pop them in and click a button. I have your toasting settings perfected now. 3 and a half minutes later and I'm eating the best toaster strudel ever! <3>

I'm sorry about her, the one I had before you. I thought that microwaving food was the only alternative to the stove.
But those days are behind me now. I swear this oath to you. I won't ever microwave again. All microwaves belong on craigslist.

Say you will always be my toaster oven. pls never leave me


-pogo <3

church update :>

Alright, things are moving nicely with the little gadgets I'm picking up for this blog. Newest addition is my viewers can actually hear what I have typed in case they like to look at something else for a moment. Search for a microfone under each post to try it out. Pressing it will launch a new window that will read the post to you in mp3 format.

new language courses

So I got Rosetta Stone language courses and it seems pretty impressive so far. I am taking 3-4 lessons a day on Dutch, Spanish and German. I never been able to concentrate listening to language mp3's. People in my life like to disturb me while I try to get anything done. Using this program the distractions don't matter much cause I can pick up exactly where I left off.
So I guess this one is about self improvement. Got to try to improve what we can when the distractions of the world aren't bearing down on us. Not to impress,or to feel better about our selves but to keep momentum up.

woot for free movie screenings

Looking forward to getting together with josh,melanie and josh. planning on going to see the new paranormal movie on this thursday 24th.
the trailer looks good but im more excited to hang with good friends
I know I said friends are a distraction and we should stay on target but it has been long over due for me to emerge from my reclusive state. to take in life again. just for a little while. should be a great time :> gunna try to leave my chemical imbalance behind.

Update- new music

the fray- you found me song on here
hope you enjoy

I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won
All alone
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?"
He said, "Ask anything".

Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who's ever known
Who I am
Who I'm not, who I wanna be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me


Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

Early morning
The city breaks
I've been callin'
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
Ya never send me no letters
You got some kinda nerve
Taking all my world

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Where were you? Where were you?
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
Why'd you have to wait?
To find me, to find me

taking it slow

Not sure if it is the time of year or getting older but i seem to be winding down. I started getting tired alot earlier then I used to.
While I was out walking in the cool night I looked up at the stars and wondered how many more battles I must face in life. How many more of God's tests are coming my way to prepare me for the next place.



“It does not matter how
slowly you go, so long as
you do not stop.”
—CONFUCIUS

More on distractions

Distraction is the diversion of attention of an individual or group from the chosen object of attention onto the source of distraction. Distraction is caused by one of the following: lack of ability to pay attention; lack of interest in the object of attention; greater interest in something other than the object of attention; or the great intensity, novelty or attractiveness of something other than the object of attention. Distractions come from both external sources (physical stimuli through the five senses), or internal sources (thought, emotion, fantasy, physical urges). Divided attention, as in multitasking could also be considered as distraction in situations requiring full attention on a single object (e.g. sports, academic tests, performance). -taken from wiki.com

"In mans unending pursuit of salvation the distractions of his science or his religion may be the vary thing keeping him from his creator." - taken from The Outer Limits

Stay on Target

rediscover ancient and alternative spiritual traditions as resources for the present and future

There is no middle ground...
... Our faith must be passionately focused on our spirit, or we become earthbound, caught up with concerns, pleasures and friends who will inevitably fail us.

I could drone on and on about our society as a whole but that would only give you more to worry about.

We really need to think about what we spend our time doing. refreshing web pages like myspace to see that next all important comment from someone just as bored as we are is not the way for us to progress.

there must be a better way for us to spend our lives.

I could drone on and on about our society as a whole but that would only give you more to worry about.
How about self improvement? why not read up on a few foreign languages? Or find a productive hobby that exercises our minds?
Lets get some self worth and maybe some true value as human beings.
"The future depends on what we do in the present." - Mahatma Gandhi

rain and friends

Rain reminds me of friends in the sense that they both come and go and reappear just when you least expect them to.

"fate determines who walks into your life
you determine who you let walk out
who you let stay
and who you refuse to let go"
- Unknown

Not sure about this quote but its halfway right. I lost a lot of good people in my life and most of them I fought to keep. But they are still gone and i sit here remembering them everyday. thinking if I should contact them again and feel like a fool when they fail to reply yet again.

got to start some where :>

Well it has certainly been a long summer, just about to enter my favorite season. (fall) I can already feel the crisp air early in evening. Perfect time to start wearing hoodies again. I have really grown and learned alot about myself and a few others. One of them I thought was a friend,one who could be relied on and trusted. Turns out I was sadly mistaken with her. I wish her the best and I'm shamed to admit I pray I never cross paths with Tabbi again.

Life can be overwhelming at times and seem like there is no hope. But this summer has shown me sometimes the unbearable is best experienced with no one to rely on or to turn to. Learning what battles to face on your own is what sets us apart I think. Everyone needs to take some time on their own to deal with the problems that face them. Its more of a blessing when someone steps in and lends a hand then.