it was me on a different planet and there were a type of alien invaders fighting our troups up in space. i was on the ground. think i was a peace keeper of something
then there was like a vulture nest untop of the base i was in charge of, and the ground kept shakin and the nest was in danger
so i climbed up there to move the nest and the mother was away and the egg fell to the ground and barely opened so i felt horrible
so i did what i could to move the nest to a better place up top the base and gave the mother the opened egg. the little guy actually survived and thrived
then after that there was like a commons area that was underneath the place were i had moved the nest and there was a little anole trapped. so I rescued her as well. and some how she fell in love with me or fell in love with my charity to the small when there were bigger more important worries to tend to.
so apparently when an anole falls in love with a person they give up 1 year of their life to send their life energy which is turned to luck for us
after that my buddy in the base introduced me to a nice lady that fell in love with me at first site. then my buddy tried to close the door on me and her so we could be alone.
but i turned my back on her and went after him to tell him that it wasnt proper to rush things like that
and the anole saw my selfish act and fell in love with me again
and gave up another year of her life for me
so feeling responsible for the small anole i decided to leave it all behind and take care of her up in the mountains
soon after she shape shifted into a princess
:/ very spiritual dream but so so weird
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Warning Might Make you cry
My name's Sarah and this is my story.
I have lived in a small town in Oregon all my life. Born here, raised here and will probably die in this blasted town, but it's my home, so I don't mind.
My life, well is dim; probably from all of the events that have happened in the course of these eighteen years. Not all events were bad, but most, well, most are terrifying and I hope no one has to endure some of the things that I have.
I will not give up at life, even with these events. I will not take the easy way out and end it here.
I want to live; to prevent these things from happening to people in the future.
***
Both of my parents were alcoholics basically all of my life. I didn't have really a childhood.
It flashed from infancy to adulthood in a blink of an eye. Scary, really, how that works, isn't it?
Sixth grade, was probably, the worst year of my entire life.
That's when everything jumped.
My body and mind didn't bloom like others, Sure I got all the same things girls did in middle school. It jumped. Jumped into a world of sorrow and pain; a world that I could only see my future dim, not brighten.
But, as all things go, everything happens for a reason and I cannot erase my past, although I want to so dearly.
Tears and shakiness.
Well, after I graduated, I moved to Maryland with my boyfriend. It was indeed, a drastic move but I had to get away from my mother's drunken stance in my life. I just wish I could have done the same with my brother.
I will admit, I love him, my now exboyfriend. However, it was a fool's love, one that ended in misery and grief. Things went well the first couple months though he did have an anger problem, I taught myself to put up with it. I was so in love with him, I had no idea that he was controlling my life and taking me away from my family.About three and a half months after I moved to Maryland, things got a little rocky; both on the home front and in Maryland.
My mother's pathetic drinking problem had escalated into something...bad is the only way I can put it. She was now drinking two or more gallons of whiskey a day and her smoking had escalated greatly.
I was talking to my little brother on the xbox, and mom was drinking.
She wasn't tipsy. She wasn't drunk. She'd gone psycho. All of a sudden, his mic went silent; he turned his off so I couldn't hear what he was saying.So I called to him a couple times. There wasn't an answer, I started to panic, knowing mom was drinking.Then the mic clicked on and he screamed into the mic,
"SARAH, CALL THE POLICE!"
The mic went silent.
I panicked. I had no idea what to do.
My ex was sitting next to me on the couch; he heard the whole thing. He didn't care about what happened.Or fear of what maybe happening. He didn't care about me or my life, in anyway. So, I did indeed called 911 because I had no idea what else to do. I was in Maryland and my brother in Oregon so, not much as you could imagine.
But I called and they patched me to the police in that small town in Oregon and the city police patched me to the Tribe. The police were there about two minutes after my call had reached tribal.
Turns out, that my mother had gone into a drunken rage and punched my little brother and pushed him over a chair, almost breaking his shin. He called her selfish. But that's what she is.
I have honestly, no idea why people run from who they are or candy-coat the truth. Because, deep down, they always know that they are the nasty, rude, selfish people they are hiding and they know, no matter what, that they will always be that person. She was trying to take everything from us and leave us on the streets with nothing. I don't know what that is to you, but to me, that is a big, nasty bowl of selfish.
And to do that to your kids?
The day after that, I was talking to my ex and he told me that he had pretending for the past three months or so and that he didn't break up with me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. If he would have told me, I would have been there in Oregon, and I could have stopped mother's druken, psychotic rage. I could have been there. But no, I was wasting my time in Maryland, helpless. I didn't do much for about a week after that. Including eating and drinking anything. I didn't eat or drink. Because I was so depressed. I just laid in my bed and watched the ceiling. Finally, the ex's mom noticed and made me eat. I was so hungry that I couldn't stand. I hadn't eaten in so long, my stomach couldn't produce enough acid to break down the food that I ate so I threw it up. I was at the toilet, throwing up a lot. And I could constantly drink water and still be dehydrated.
I know now, what true depression is. And all of you people out there, pretending you are depressed, cutting your wrists, are not.
Because in my experience, you don't want to do anything. You just want to fade.
That's what depression is.
I have lived in a small town in Oregon all my life. Born here, raised here and will probably die in this blasted town, but it's my home, so I don't mind.
My life, well is dim; probably from all of the events that have happened in the course of these eighteen years. Not all events were bad, but most, well, most are terrifying and I hope no one has to endure some of the things that I have.
I will not give up at life, even with these events. I will not take the easy way out and end it here.
I want to live; to prevent these things from happening to people in the future.
***
Both of my parents were alcoholics basically all of my life. I didn't have really a childhood.
It flashed from infancy to adulthood in a blink of an eye. Scary, really, how that works, isn't it?
Sixth grade, was probably, the worst year of my entire life.
That's when everything jumped.
My body and mind didn't bloom like others, Sure I got all the same things girls did in middle school. It jumped. Jumped into a world of sorrow and pain; a world that I could only see my future dim, not brighten.
But, as all things go, everything happens for a reason and I cannot erase my past, although I want to so dearly.
Tears and shakiness.
Well, after I graduated, I moved to Maryland with my boyfriend. It was indeed, a drastic move but I had to get away from my mother's drunken stance in my life. I just wish I could have done the same with my brother.
I will admit, I love him, my now exboyfriend. However, it was a fool's love, one that ended in misery and grief. Things went well the first couple months though he did have an anger problem, I taught myself to put up with it. I was so in love with him, I had no idea that he was controlling my life and taking me away from my family.About three and a half months after I moved to Maryland, things got a little rocky; both on the home front and in Maryland.
My mother's pathetic drinking problem had escalated into something...bad is the only way I can put it. She was now drinking two or more gallons of whiskey a day and her smoking had escalated greatly.
I was talking to my little brother on the xbox, and mom was drinking.
She wasn't tipsy. She wasn't drunk. She'd gone psycho. All of a sudden, his mic went silent; he turned his off so I couldn't hear what he was saying.So I called to him a couple times. There wasn't an answer, I started to panic, knowing mom was drinking.Then the mic clicked on and he screamed into the mic,
"SARAH, CALL THE POLICE!"
The mic went silent.
I panicked. I had no idea what to do.
My ex was sitting next to me on the couch; he heard the whole thing. He didn't care about what happened.Or fear of what maybe happening. He didn't care about me or my life, in anyway. So, I did indeed called 911 because I had no idea what else to do. I was in Maryland and my brother in Oregon so, not much as you could imagine.
But I called and they patched me to the police in that small town in Oregon and the city police patched me to the Tribe. The police were there about two minutes after my call had reached tribal.
Turns out, that my mother had gone into a drunken rage and punched my little brother and pushed him over a chair, almost breaking his shin. He called her selfish. But that's what she is.
I have honestly, no idea why people run from who they are or candy-coat the truth. Because, deep down, they always know that they are the nasty, rude, selfish people they are hiding and they know, no matter what, that they will always be that person. She was trying to take everything from us and leave us on the streets with nothing. I don't know what that is to you, but to me, that is a big, nasty bowl of selfish.
And to do that to your kids?
The day after that, I was talking to my ex and he told me that he had pretending for the past three months or so and that he didn't break up with me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. If he would have told me, I would have been there in Oregon, and I could have stopped mother's druken, psychotic rage. I could have been there. But no, I was wasting my time in Maryland, helpless. I didn't do much for about a week after that. Including eating and drinking anything. I didn't eat or drink. Because I was so depressed. I just laid in my bed and watched the ceiling. Finally, the ex's mom noticed and made me eat. I was so hungry that I couldn't stand. I hadn't eaten in so long, my stomach couldn't produce enough acid to break down the food that I ate so I threw it up. I was at the toilet, throwing up a lot. And I could constantly drink water and still be dehydrated.
I know now, what true depression is. And all of you people out there, pretending you are depressed, cutting your wrists, are not.
Because in my experience, you don't want to do anything. You just want to fade.
That's what depression is.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
airport pics
I visit this airport frequently. We have alot of history together.
- years ago I flew to florida to go to disneyland from a contest I won. 4 tickets for a week there. won them from crabtree mall.
- took a picnic at the observation park with my mother and best friend lawrence powell.
- imported my ex fiance cherish from london town <3
- returned cherish to london town cause her visa expired. saddest day of my life! ); we broke up a few months after she went back but thats another story for another time.
- felt horrible about being apart from her and wanted to be closer to her. not being able to get my shit together and get my ass over there with her. I took a part time job at the airport, working as a bus driver, few days after receiving the job they changed me from driver to a parker. Job didn't last long as they had massive lay-offs about 1 month after they hired me.
- now I live right up the street from the airport and go there for my lunch,relaxing and racing around on my scooter. I like to watch the planes land and take off. maybe someday I will be on one of them leaving this state or country. been a dream of mine for a long time.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
josh and me
A fitting song to end his stay in raleigh, nc.
the day before his bday, when scheduled to return to new jersey from staying here in nc in a storage room he gets in a car accident. Right before the corner of glenwood ave. and lynn rd.
even after the accident he still smiles. happy knowing that he is returning eventually to new jersey. we got rear-ended by a F-150 going to my apartment from his little 1 room storage unit at u-haul. He has been staying there for 5 months since we lost our old apartment due to my inability to know who not to trust. (tabbi)
all we can do is shake our heads in disbelief at this last year and a half while he was down here with me. most every experience both of us have head is about beyond belief. its been one rediculous thing after another.
the day before his bday, when scheduled to return to new jersey from staying here in nc in a storage room he gets in a car accident. Right before the corner of glenwood ave. and lynn rd.
even after the accident he still smiles. happy knowing that he is returning eventually to new jersey. we got rear-ended by a F-150 going to my apartment from his little 1 room storage unit at u-haul. He has been staying there for 5 months since we lost our old apartment due to my inability to know who not to trust. (tabbi)
all we can do is shake our heads in disbelief at this last year and a half while he was down here with me. most every experience both of us have head is about beyond belief. its been one rediculous thing after another.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
nice encounter while doing laundry
well I been unemployed for about 6 months now and been very patient so far during this whole ordeal. Traveled to Durham for a few appointments and found a nice laundromat along the way. Luckily I had my dirty laundry with me, so I stopped in and although Durham is in the news everyday for crime(murders and burglary) I met the nicest man there. I believe he was from India or somewhere near there. He actually suggested I save on my laundry bill by paying to use the new washers and he would include the drying for free. So I got all set up and started the wash.
To my surprise they had working arcade games. Of course I spent the quarter in the neogeo arcade machine and played a great game called king of the monsters. I used to play this as a kid, so it brought back alot of found memories. I played as Beetle Mania and made it through a few levels easily. Although Astro Guy kicked my butt. :P
after playing my game I talked with the man some and he told me about a great place to work at, he gave me his information and said he would be a great reference for me. him having worked there some years ago. So I took all the information on the company and finished my laundry. Irregardless if I get the job or not I think I will take the extra trip to do my laundry in his place. One good turn deserves another!
To my surprise they had working arcade games. Of course I spent the quarter in the neogeo arcade machine and played a great game called king of the monsters. I used to play this as a kid, so it brought back alot of found memories. I played as Beetle Mania and made it through a few levels easily. Although Astro Guy kicked my butt. :P
after playing my game I talked with the man some and he told me about a great place to work at, he gave me his information and said he would be a great reference for me. him having worked there some years ago. So I took all the information on the company and finished my laundry. Irregardless if I get the job or not I think I will take the extra trip to do my laundry in his place. One good turn deserves another!
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